Catharsis- Harry Potter
by The Smiling Crow
Summary: A series of One-Shots dedicated to causing absolute pain, misery, or justice to the most hated characters in the Harry Potter world. Next up: A certain blonde ferret.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Harry Potter nor the obvious reference to the movie coming up... although it's been awhile... Is this movie public domain yet?

Eh, either way, I own nothing

-Crow

* * *

"_Hem hem_"

Everyone turned, stunned at the toad-like witch in pink. No one in living history could remember a time when Albus Dumbledore was interrupted.

"Thank you, Headmaster for those kind words of wel-"

She was immediately cut off by a loud sound outside. Everybody looked out the stained glass windows to see what looked like a large, gray funnel wreaking havoc on the grounds.

One muggleborn student had a cousin from the Mid West.

"TWISTER!" She screamed. Everyone unfamiliar with the term or the phenomenon was puzzled as she got down under the table, cowering.

Ms. Umbridge spoke up. "Now Ms., there is no reason to-"

Once again she was cut off, though this time a bit more…

_Permanently_

The majestic roof of the Great Hall caved in above her and the witch was flattened by-

-a Kansas-style farm house…

The entirety of Hogwarts was stunned by this turn of events and even more so when hundreds of small *pops* surrounded them as house elves suddenly apparated in.

The door to the farmhouse opened and a very confused muggle girl and her dog stepped out, gaping at the Great Hall.

One elf squeaked out "She killed her!"

There was stunned silence for a few seconds, before it was broken by loud cheering by every elf. "We knew that mean toad woman was bad! We knew!"

Soon after, a still-stunned student body and faculty of Hogwarts watched as the small elves proceeded to start dancing around the house and corpse of Dolores Umbridge while singing at the top of their lungs.

"_Ding Dong the Witch is Dead!..._"

* * *

AN: I remember thinking how some of these characters in the Harry Potter series should've made a reference to the Wizard of Oz. Well, I supposed that Umbridge was as good a Wicked Witch to off.

I was kind of inspired by my mother. Not as an Umbridge, but she loved the Wizard of Oz and we watched it often as a family. A family story is that her family couldn't afford a color television for a while. She was in college by the time she figured out that it the whole movie wasn't all in black-and-white!

I'm always open to suggestions of torture for various hateable characters from HP.

I hope you enjoyed this!

Sincerely

-The Smiling Crow


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry, I meant to upload this with the other one, but I just found out it didn't go in properly.

I don't own Harry Potter.

-Crow

* * *

The Weasley Twins were patting themselves on the back with this one.

They figured as a "welcome gift" to the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Umbridge, they'd give her an on-the-go shower. It was a rather plain prank, but always something nice to warm up on for a year of pranking excellence.

They let a lot of other people in on the secret. Soon, almost half the school and a decent amount of the faculty were outside Dolores Umbridge's chamber doors. Most of the student body were anxiously awaiting the "first prank christening in the new school year" while a few were vehemently trying to argue against this (mostly the ones who kept saying "my father"). The teachers were trying to keep the peace while simultaneously secretly desiring to see Umbridge suffer a little bit too.

At 9:00 exactly, the door opened and the toad-woman Dolores Umbridge stepped into the hall. She shrieked as a bucket of water fell on her, dousing her.

The twins and most of the school were laughing, but quickly stopped when they heard the wet witch continue shrieking.

"NOOOO! LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE! I'M MELTING! MELTING! OH, WHAT A WORLD! AAAAAUUUguuuuhghghghggghghg."

The rest was bubbled out of the puddle-that-was Umbridge.

The students and the twins stood in stunned silence as the pink stain on the floor continued to steam.

Professor Dumbledore turned to his stunned head of house and said. "Professor McGonagall, I believe I owe you two sickles. You were correct earlier, this was the shortest defense professor we've ever had."

* * *

AN: I decided to make a sequel to my first one. I figured she'd do well as either Wicked Witch.

I'm always open to new ideas and suggestions for your favorite hated characters.

-Crow


	3. Chapter 3

**This one will be a bit more interesting. And a lot funnier in my opinion.**

**For anyone confused, these are the stairwells inspired by the first movie. They go pretty high up.**

**I also apologize to people who got alerts that this chapter was posted, but I had to take it down soon after I put it up. For some reason, the chapter was acting up, so I had to wait a while before it seemed to upload properly.**

**Don't own Harry Potter**

**-Crow**

* * *

Dolores Umbridge walked calmly along the many twisting stairwells of Hogwarts. Whipping out her wand for every infraction to make those insufferable bra- _darling children_ behave.

Yes, sir everything was going exactly as Cornelius had promised. Dumbledore was gone. No one else could possibly-

"Headmistress Umbridge?"

The clad-in-pink "Headmistress" stopped in the middle of a stair and turned to see a Ravenclaw student standing at the top of the stairs. She had platinum blonde hair and... radishes on her ears?

_'A Lovegood._' She hissed in her mind. She hated the family for the fact that they gave purebloods such an awful name. Still, she forced a grimacing smile.

"Yes, Ms. Lovegood. How can I help you?" She simpered.

The girl replied dreamily. "I just wanted to warn you, Warfstaches cause horrible damage to rafters. And that you should be careful since we're so high up."

Dolores subconsciously looked over the side of the rails, it was true that they were on perhaps the 15th floor... or possibly the 18th. With the stairwells moving it was impossible to really tell. She turned back to the girl, smiling sickeningly. "And what does any of this have to do with anything Ms. Lovegood?"

"The Warfstaches like to cause havoc and damage. They're like flying pink mustaches with extreme class and bravado and a tendency to talk like reporters."

The toad-like witch's smile flickered with mild annoyance. "Ms. Lovegood, I can assure you there are no such things."

"Is it true that Cornelius Fudge eats goblins in pies?"

Umbridge's face turned a remarkable shade of puce. "Wha- I- what! Just- " She spluttered in shock.

"I also hear Rufus Scrimgour is a vampire in disguise."

By now, a lot of students had crowded around the stairwell, due to the blockage of an enraged Ministry official. Everyone was standing at the base or the top of the stairs and the entire stair was empty as no one wanted to be in the way of the toad-from-Hell.

"NOW SEE HERE-" She shrieked.

"Is it also true that the Malfoy family has Draco marked up to be a Death Eater?"

Said member of the Malfoy family paled at that. It was sometimes uncanny how she did that.

"My daddy also says that Nargles are running rampant in the halls of the Ministry, causing them to be oblivious to the signs that You-Know-Who is back."

By this time, Umbridge looked more like a red tomato that had sagged in the sun.

"DETENTION MS. LOVEGOOD! AND FIFTY-"

"HEADMISTRESS UMBRIDGE!"

The entirety of the school stopped. No one had ever heard Luna Lovegood shout before. Even the teachers who had arrived were completely stunned that this normally trance-like girl could even shout at all.

Umbridge blinked in surprise. "Yes?"

"I told you Warfstaches were dangerous." Luna smiled pleasantly.

"Silly girl, what are you going on abou-" Dolores Umbridge didn't finish that as a large rafter from an above staircase suddenly swung loose and smashed her over the edge. The entire student body and faculty watched as the hated toad fell screaming in an ear-splittingly high falsetto to the ground floor.

Meanwhile, Luna calmly walked over to the spot the former-Headmistress went over, careful to avoid the still-swinging rafter.

Everyone turned their attention to the young Ravenclaw.

"Damn" She said calmly. "She lived."

* * *

**AN: HAHAHAHA! I LOVE THAT GIRL!**

**Seriously, she's my favorite character in the entire series. I plan on making a oneshot about her sometime soon.**

**I also really appreciate the actresses for both Luna and Umbridge. I truly hate Umbridge, but I applaud Mrs. Staunton for getting that hateable character to transfer really well into the movie. I love how Ms. Lynch got Luna's benign madness just right.**

**I consider there to be two types of madness; malignant madness and benign madness. Malignant madness is more psychopath like Bellatrix or the typical straight-jacket-inmate. Benign Madness is more like the eccentric professor character or the Mad Hatter; crazy, but not in a harmful way.**

**Anyway, I figured this was pretty good catharsis right here. She doesn't have to die every time, necessarily. She just has to be in unbearable pain when it happens. MUAHAHAHAHA!**

**For anyone who knows. WILFORD WARFSTACHE! YEEEEAAAAHHHH!**

**Anyways, I hoped you enjoyed. I certainly did.**

**Sincerely,**

**-Crow**


	4. Chapter 4

**This one is not humorous. The other three were mostly just for humorous vengeance. This one is more along the lines of what the "Catharsis" series was meant to be. Something that gives that sort-of "completeness" to ending a villain or a sense of justice.  
**

**It's honestly the most satisfying chapter I've written for either Catharsis series, in my opinion.**

**Don't own Harry Potter**

**-Crow**

* * *

Bellatrix Lestrange was dodging spells left and right with her fellow Death Eaters in her Master's raid on Hogwarts.

So far, she'd killed as many of the muggleborn and anti-Voldemort pureblood students as she could find. Conveniently, all of her darling Slytherin cousins were safely tucked away in their dormitories. Everything was going exactly as she and her glorious Master had hoped.

She rounded a corner to find five aurors all standing with wands at the ready. Within seconds, multiple stunners and spells were being shot from their side. She smirked that none of them were the familiar green of the Killing Curse.

"Aww, are da ickle aurors afwaid to use da Big Bad Killing Curse?" She simpered mockingly. "Well, that's a shame, 'CAUSE I SURE AS HELL AM NOT!"

True to her word, she sent countless green beams at everyone from behind her defenses. It didn't matter if they hit friend or foe. If any Death Eaters fell to her spells, they were weak and unworthy of her Master.

She continued on until all of them had either retreated or died.

Smirking at the destruction, Bellatrix sauntered over to the dead bodies, giving them a solid kick for good insult. Her maniacal laughter mingled with the battle sounds, creating a terrifying cacophony of Hell.

Her laughter cut short as she saw an older boy in tattered Hogwarts uniform walk from behind a pillar. He held his wand steadily at the mad witch with solid determination in his eyes.

She sneered at him. "Well, well. I'll enjoy killing you especially. _Crucio!_"

The young man's body twitched in the obvious agony of the curse, but he remained standing. With immense willpower, he fired a stunning curse. The red beam forced the witch to end the connection and dodge. The young man quickly recovered and took cover behind a collapsed wall.

The spells ricocheted and blasted apart brickwork of the ancient school. Green crossed fire with red, yellow, orange, and white spells that the boy had learned in his Hogwarts career.

Bellatrix shouted out into the battlefield. "YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT ME, BRAT! I'VE KILLED COUNTLESS PEOPLE! TORTURED THEM TO THE POINT OF LUNACY! I AM SUPERIOR IN EVERY WAY! HOW DO YOU THINK YOU EVEN STAND A CHANCE OF BEATING ME?! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHEHEEHEHAHAHAHAAA- achghghgghg."

The mad cackles suddenly changed into a sickening gurgle. Confused, the insane witch placed her hand to her throat and took it off to find her hand completely red. Even then, she looked down and saw blood drizzling onto the flagstones.

Her brain dimmed from blood loss, but focused on the one thought. '_I don't believe it. Years of avoiding countless Auror spells well beyond N.E.W.T. levels and this boy was able to do me in by a second-year cutting charm._'

She smiled in a form of demented humor. '_Brilliant_.'

She sank to her knees and quickly to in an awkward fetal position. She heard the *clack* of footsteps on the pavement as the boy approached her.

As she felt herself slipping away, she focused on her killer.

A battle-worn Neville Longbottom knelt down close enough and said. "For my mum and dad."

* * *

**AN: I fully support the concept of an absolute badass Neville.**

**It also just felt... _right_ to have him be the one to kill her off. A lot more satisfying in my opinion, but it was fun to see Mrs. Weasely go all mama-bear on her in the cannon.**

**I always wondered that. So many simple spells, if used correctly, could kill them and be a lot more subtle about it. It's always the flashy wandwaving and bright, clear, HERE-I-AM-DODGE-ME! beam spells. If only wizards would just use some common sense or some imagination. Though, I suppose Rowling had to keep it PG.**

**Shame.**

**I hope you enjoyed this installment.**

**Sincerely,**

**-Crow**


	5. Chapter 5

**This one is just to vent the fact that all wizards seem really over-the-top and eccentric.**

**Don't own Harry Potter**

**-Crow**

* * *

The Aurors faced the crowd of Death Eaters. There must have been at least 10 there. Almost fifty wizards in Diagon Alley were huddled, terrified behind the small 5-person band of Aurors.

They were outnumbered! (**AN: *eyeroll* *mutter* wimps**)

Among the band of Aurors were Mad-Eye Moody, Nymphadora Tonks, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Anthony MacBeth, and a new muggleborn recruit, Avian Noir.

The death eaters stood imposing with their masks glinting in the light filtering through the alley. Each one had their wands raised and ready to take down everyone there.

All five Aurors had their wands out and ready... er... "wand" for Avian. The others looked questioningly at it. The wand was black with a standard stick pointing at the group, but it had some bulky device on the end and the stick-end seemed almost hollow. They quickly shook themselves out of their curiosity and turned back to the mass of Death Eaters.

Everyone could almost feel the malicious smiles behind their masks.

Avian did something to his wand at it made an unusual *ch-chunk* sound. Though everyone had their focus on Voldemort's followers.

One Death Eater raised his wand.

"_Av-_"

RATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATAT!

Within seconds the entire squad of death eaters were on the ground, sporting holes along with the surrounding brick walls of shops near the masked villains.

Stunned, the entirety of Diagon Alley turned to the calm face of Mr. Noir.

He simply put away his semi-automatic and smirked.

"Muggle-style, bitches."

* * *

**AN: I hate that so many wizards need to be so flashy. I mean, seriously! Before they could get the first syllable on that stupid killing curse down, a "powerless muggle" could've pumped them so full of lead, they'd be bleeding halfway to London.**

**In the movie, it takes (at least) two seconds to say the whole phrase. At most (in the case of Voldemort's drawn-out version) it takes, like a whole 5-10 seconds! Seriously, a bullet would get to them before they could say "Ah-".**

**Anyway, did anyone get the little easter egg I put in? I'll give you a hint; I hope to put one in each story, but they don't necessarily have to be male or female, but it'll be a nod to it in the translation.**

**Hope you enjoy**

**Sincerely,**

**-Crow**


	6. Chapter 6

**I enjoyed this one.**

**I mean, really, how did this not happen sooner?**

**For anyone who read my latest update in my other fanfiction, I don't have a lot of time. I actually barely had much time for this one. I was spontaneously inspired by a classmate's reaction to a spider in my lecture and I wrote it down during a lull in the lecture hour on a notecard. I'm pretty much just fleshing out the skeleton here, but it was pretty good in my opinion.**

**I don't own Harry Potter.**

**-Crow**

* * *

Rita Skeeter, premier reporter for the Daily Prophet, had her scoop. Apparently, a new muggleborn auror stirred the pot in a Death Eater raid last week. She, as a "truthful" reporter, was obligated to do her duty and find as much dirt on this young man as she could.

Whether that dirt was real or fabricated was hardly her problem. Her ecstatic readers would eat it up any way it was served.

Either way, this Noir character seemed to have enough on him. She doubted she'd have to fake too much.

Still... she always had her secret weapon...

* * *

Avian Noir calmly sat back on the balcony while facing Amelia Bones. She had been very keen on discovering his "wand". He was amazed that these people honestly never thought to use muggle weaponry. In comparison, proper bombs, rifles, pistols, flamethrowers, even a bow and arrow could be more effective than wands.

He hoped he could make the open-minded Head of the Auror Department see reason. It was obvious the proud pure-blooded government officials wouldn't "demean themselves to use such inferior, _muggle_ weaponry". He could practically hear Lucius's sneer in that statement.

He focused his thoughts back to the conversation. Amelia got right to the point (per usual).

"Mr. Noir, we are here to discuss some rather unusual weaponry you possess and used in Diagon Alley early this week-" She was cut off by some unusual movement from the young man. He grimaced and bent down and started unlacing his shoe.

"I'm so sorry, Madame Bones, I've had a stone in my shoe this entire time and it has been bothering me to no end." He lifted up the foot article and started tapping away at the top of it. The offending stone fell on the balcony floor with a small clatter, but Mr. Noir kept it held up for a few seconds, inspecting the inside of it.

Amelia shrugged it off and continued. "As I was saying Mr. Noir-"

SMACK!

She jumped as the young auror suddenly brought his shoe down on the bannister of her balcony hard, followed by a small, sickening *crunch*.

"Sorry, I hate beetles. That one's been bothering me this entire time." He replied. He lifted the shoe to reveal a still-twitching insect which he promptly nudged off the balcony with his shoe. "Now, where were we?"

* * *

**I always wondered that. If someone dies in animagus form (say; eaten, stepped on, slaughtered [someone's form was, say, a turkey around Thanksgiving]) would they die and retain that form or would they revert back to human? In the case of the former, if you ate them, would they still taste like the animal?**

**Hmmm.**

**Either way, it was fun giving justice to that annoying reporter. In this one, I'll leave it up to you whether a bedraggled and beaten up Rita stumbles her way home or if her last view was the bottom of a shoe.**

**Again, I put in the same Easter Egg. So far, only one person got it so I'll give a hint. Look up each word individually.**

**I hope you enjoyed this installment.**

**Sincerely,**

**-Crow**


	7. Chapter 7

**MY PHYSICS MIDTERM ENDED TODAY! YEAH!**

**You have no idea how relieved I am that that is over with. Anyways, with it out of the way, I finally managed to finish this story. This was one of the first concepts for my Harry Potter Catharsis Series. I just got around to writing it because it didn't seem to come out right every time. This time, I think I got it.**

**In the end, though, it seemed to be more of a horror-story/Creepypasta, but the "I-got-rid-of-this-character-in-a-horrible-way" feeling is still there.**

**I don't own Harry Potter... or the other character that shows up, but I think he/it is the property of the internet. I don't think there's any _one person_ who can claim him.**

**-Crow**

**P.S. Shoutout to "Fugacity" (Guest). You were _so close_ to the Easter egg. I'll give you a hint. Flip the two words around.**

* * *

Dolores Umbridge walked cautiously through the Forbidden Forest with three, pureblood, minister-loyal aurors in tow. She grimaced as her expensive shoes made slurping noises in the damp, muddy ground around her, but kept going. Cornelius confided in her that he had reason to suspect Dumbledore had a weapon prior to his escape. In her short time as Headmistress, she had explored every location in the castle for such an artifact that would allow Dumbledore to usurp her dear Cornelius's position.

Her breakthrough had come earlier that week. She happened to be looking out the window when she noticed a student outside around sunset. She initially thought it was just some troublesome child, but she realized that if the weapon wasn't in the castle... it very well could be in the vast forest around Hogwarts.

And that student would lead her right to it.

She watched the next evening and the same student went the same way. She reasoned that Dumbledore must have given instructions to a few students to maintain whatever the weapon is.

That night, she flooed in three aurors she knew were loyal to the ministry. She never trusted that Tonks woman and Shacklebolt was too close to Dumbledore for her liking. She had them hide outside until she saw the student leave the main doors. When the student disappeared into the forest, she motioned for the aurors to follow.

The mud gave clear imprints for them to follow. They didn't actually see the girl for a while, but given the fresh footprints, they assumed they were close.

After roughly half an hour of walking, their search stopped abruptly-

-along with the trail.

The toad-like Headmistress looked around confused, but confirmed it. The tracks vanished suddenly. No indication of a broom or apparition (there would have been scuff marks and certain patterns for mounting the broom or turning to Disapparate). It had been a clear line of prints and they had been following the student efficiently, so the student couldn't have backtracked.

She rounded on the aurors. "Fan out! Find her! I will not tolerate the loss of this lead! My dear Cornelius will be so pleased when he finds out I've got Dumbledore's weapon." She gazed fondly in an arbitrary direction, lost in imagination.

That way, she didn't see all of the aurors visibly shudder.

After about 10 minutes, their search brought up nothing and they decided to head back. Dolores lead the way as they followed the tracks back into the dense woods.

After an hour, they were still following the tracks, though much more suspicious. They had only followed them in for, perhaps, twenty minutes. What's more, the forest attained its usual nightly properties.

A chilling fog rolled in around the trees and only added to the moist ground (**AN: I know a lot of you readers probably hate that word, but it's great to get the imagery across. Moist. _Moist_. *quiet cackle***). The moon was full, but there were no signs of werewolves.

In fact there were no signs of anything at all.

The three wizards and the squat witch suddenly stopped in the realization that there was nothing around them. There were no birds trilling or ravens cawing in the treetops. No crickets or insects calling out. Not even wind or limbs creaking. They proceeded forward, the slurping sounds from the muck on their shoes echoing in the silence.

The continued following the trail of small, reversed footprints-

-until they disappeared.

Dolores Umbridge hid her unease in rage. "I will not tolerate such trickery! It's obvious they've Vanished their tracks, stop shaking! And you call yourselves Aurors! These games have gone on far enough! Come out! As Headmistress of Hogwarts and Undersecretary of Cornelius Fudge, Minister of Magic, I order you to show yourself!"

Her rant echoed in the silent woods. The adults suddenly realized the situation very clearly.

The footstep trail ended on either side.

There was no trail in or out of the Forbidden Forest.

They were lost.

* * *

The ministry representatives followed the line of footprints back and forth for almost an hour before deciding it was futile. Umbridge took out her wand irately, planning on a simple location spell.

"Point me!" She exclaimed, dropping the wand.

The wand fell uselessly to the ground.

Confused, she tried again... and again... and again...

One auror took out his wand as well. "Lumos!"

The tip remained dark.

The magic-reliant wizards and witch shook with the sudden realization-

Their magic was gone.

* * *

They kept walking amongst the trees and brambles for what seemed like hours. No one mentioned how impossibly dark it was for what they presumed to be almost daytime. The Forbidden Forest was notorious for its thick treetop canopy regularly reducing light filtered to the ground level.

Their magic was still gone. Although, even without a Lumos spell, the forest was oddly lit at an almost constant low-level blue.

After several whines from a certain stumpy witch, the aurors agreed to set down for the... night?... day?... next few hours.

Thankfully, one of the aurors had paid enough attention in his Muggle Studies class that they were able to make a fire. "Headmistress" Umbridge and the not-used-to-roughing-it aurors unhappily settled down on the ground, unable to conjure a tent, bed, blanket, or even get a proper meal.

Being wizards without an ounce of common sense, not one thought to have someone stay up to keep watch.

And the one who watched, waited.

* * *

Professor Umbridge awoke to incoherent mumbling. Confused, she sat up, grimacing at the discomfort of sleeping on hard ground. She looked around in a daze.

The fire had long gone out. Along with any embers. But the blue-ish glow that saturated the woods somehow was still present despite it being at least noon. Looking around, she discovered that two of her aurors were gone without a trace. The third being the source of the mumbling.

She carefully approached, wand at the ready. Although, given the situation, she might as well have been pointing a tree branch around.

She carefully eased forward until she landed oddly on a small stick with a sharp *crack*. The auror whipped his head around like a frightened rabbit. His eyes were bloodshot with dark circles around them. His nose was dripping with blood that he made no effort to staunch. Oddly, his hair looked thinner than it had been.

He looked carefully at the figure of Dolores Umbridge and somewhat relaxed. His gaze shifted slightly to the left-

"AAAUUUUGHHHHH!"

He scrambled up to his feet and was stumbling blindly away. The toad-like witch turned in the direction he was facing, but came across nothing. The screams and crunches of the auror's footsteps died away quickly, leaving the witch enveloped in the silence.

She firmed her grip on her wand and, ignoring the shaking of her hand (and the uselessness of the piece of wood), she held it out in front of her as she made her way quietly through the woods.

* * *

It must have been hours.

_Hours._

But the forest was still just as dense and dark as ever. No matter what, that blue glow seemed to permeate the woods and maintain a low enough light level for her to see.

Still. Dolores Umbridge wasn't anywhere close to finding a way out.

She hadn't thought at all about the other aurors. She assumed they got lost in the forest and fell astray with some horrible _half-breed_ like those centaurs or werewolves. It was clear that the last auror went mad. She dismissed him as dead the second he flailed blindly into the most dangerous forest in the Wizarding World.

She continued her path through the trees.

Unaware of the slight ringing in her ears.

And the one who watched her, waited.

* * *

The stout witch walked through the forest.

There was something wrong.

Something wro-

_What was that!_

No. No. Something. No.

Someone?

_Someone?_

"Hello?"

Ringing.

High pitched ringing.

The stout witch wiped blood off her nose.

The stout witch.

Who?

* * *

Running!

He knows!

He's following

Won't go

Won't leave

Won't stop

Panic

Running

Can't stop

Can't look

Can't turn

Black

Arms

Black suit

No No NO NO NO NO NO

Face

White

Blank

_He has no face._

_Krshshttchthchshsshshshshhshhshkt-_

* * *

A mysterious student skipped through the Forbidden Forest, merrily. A small basket of some pastries she'd managed to save from dinner that night swung at her side. She kept her gaze fixed on the canopy of the trees. She paused when she saw someone nearby.

"Oh, hello there! I remember you. You're one of the aurors who was with Headmistress Umbridge." She said dreamily to the calm, passive face of the auror. "Oh, yes, you're the talk of the entire school, now. I can't imagine how you'd have gotten here. Still, I suppose it is difficult to make it to the school dinner with that branch through your chest. Goodbye sir."

She skipped off, leaving the impaled form to dangle on its limb.

The happy blonde girl continued her route, the same one for the past few weeks, to a small clearing in the Forbidden Forest. She took out a small blanket, tea set, and some plates for the pastries from her basket and set it up in a small picnic. She nibbled on a danish while she waited for her friend.

After a few minutes, she noticed him out of the corner of her eye. "Ah, hello! I was wondering when you'd come. Would you like to join me?" She patted the ground beside her. The figure moved awkwardly towards her and sat down, his disproportionate limbs awkwardly forming a criss-cross.

"I'm learning lots in school today. Although my dorm mates aren't terribly kind to me. What's that? No, no. I don't need any help with them. Thank you. Though I am grateful for your help with the main problem." She nibbled on her danish politely.

"Speaking of, did you enjoy the meal I brought to you, Master?" Luna Lovegood calmly asked.

* * *

**AN: I still love Creepypastas. Even the Slenderman.**

**I understand many people are upset about the incident in Wisconsin. Believe me, I am too. I am very glad that the girl survived and that the two attempted murderers have been arrested and are facing trial.**

**But understand that pretty much nobody who enjoys Creepypastas are like those two and are not a danger to society.**

**The Creepypasta Community knows that the stories we make aren't real. We all know that the videos are doctored or the photos are photoshopped, but it's fun to read/write them. It's like the classic campfire story or Bloody Mary ritual. It doesn't mean we worship a mirror-demon or believe that every "Hook-handed Camper" story is true, but it's fun to scare ourselves. We don't know why, but it's fun. *shrugs***

**It's just the same as enjoying a good horror movie. We don't necessarily believe that Freddy Krueger is going to kill us in our sleep or that birds will suddenly start attacking everyone (Alfred Hitchcock). We just like the thrill of the story.**

**No. I do not endorse, encourage, nor support psychotic Proxy attempts. In fact I discourage, disapprove of, and admonish such attempts. It's purely a work of fiction and not something to be repeated, mimicked, or idolized.**

**I enjoyed writing the sporadic descent into madness of Professor Umbridge. Outside of a cinema, it's hard to capture that frantic running without making it seem really boring in writing. Writing like this still gets everything across and more, while making it interesting. I wanted to capture the paranoia, ringing, nosebleeds, confusion, and panic that ensues in supposed "Slender Sickness".**

**If anyone's wondering "Why Luna?", who else would come even close to a Proxy? Come on, she's pretty much the only person who's crazy enough (and still an OK character) to be able to calmly talk with Slendy. Plus, she sees things that may or may not be there... **

**If it's any comfort, this one's more of an AU Dark!Luna or Insane!Luna (I hope I'm using the "_!Luna" things right).  
**

**I hope you enjoyed this**

**Sincerely,**

**-Crow**


	8. Chapter 8

Warning: This is purely a Dark!Harry chapter. I wanted catharsis for the Dursleys and no amount of canon!Harry or Innocent!Harry cut the deal. Plus, I don't know why this was so satisfying.

Also, implied manipulative Dumbledore and Weasleys.

I don't own Harry Potter.

* * *

"Boy! Let us out of this right now! Do you hear me you ungrateful freak!"

"Yes, Uncle Vernon, I hear quite well."

The large man growled and struggled in the chair. His arms and legs were coated in a sticky, white goo that hardened to his favorite living room chair. From his vantage point, he could see his strapping lad, Dudley, encased in a cocoon of the stuff on the couch, facing the Television. Oh, his darling Petunia would never get the stains out!

"You let us out you little bastard! I'll knock your head clean off for this one!"

The green-eyed boy snorted. "Ah, yes. Threats. That will help you out of this, won't it?"

He flashed a Cheshire grin at the elder Dursley's puce face before he turned back, looking at a small suitcase he'd stolen from the upstairs closet. Books; check. Clothes; disgusting hand-me-downs, but check. "Toys"… he grinned, double check.

"What do you want from us?" A female voice wailed.

The young wizard turned to his Aunt Petunia. Similar to Vernon, she was "glued" to her usual chair in the family room. Unlike Vernon, her face was more of a pasty white with fear rather than a beet red with rage. "Why, Aunt Petunia, I don't want anything. Really."

He smiled at her, but it didn't comfort anyone. "I'm just expecting a letter soon and I needed to make the proper preparations."

"PROPER PREPARATIONS! ALL THIS FOR A F*CKING LETTER!?" Vernon roared.

Harry gave a scathing look at his uncle. "Now, now, Uncle. Inside voice. Remember what your doctor said about your blood pressure."

"_I don't care about my blood pressure, you little bastard_." He hissed.

"You really should, Uncle. It's the silent killer." Harry said calmly.

"…Letter…"

Vernon and Dudley craned their necks to see Petunia shivering. She looked up at a bemused Harry. "… you know?"

"Yes, Auntie. I've known for quite some time. Actually, almost forty years to be precise."

"You're mad, boy! You're only eleven!"

"Ten, actually. I'll be eleven in about a week, remember?" He shuddered in some form of delight. "And, oh, what a memorable eleventh birthday, indeed."

He looked back to his terrified Aunt. "Yes, I know all about _Them_. And my parents. And I know about _Hogwarts!_" He was satisfied at the sudden rigid posture of his Aunt and a glint of familiarity from his Uncle.

"Hog-warts… isn't that… THOSE FREAKS!" Roared Vernon. He remembered from years ago when they took in the brat that Petunia explained… _Them_ to him. Hogwarts was apparently some school or institution or something. Where those freaks met other freaks and, God forbid, _reproduced_!

"Uncle, 'those freaks' were my parents, my cousins, and, soon, my friends and colleagues." Harry said icily.

"How do you know all of this?" His Aunt whimpered.

Harry grinned. "I was honestly wondering when you'd finally speak up. I know it sounds like something out of a cliché fanfiction*, I'm actually Harry Potter… around 50 years old."

His uncle sputtered something that sounded suspiciously like 'preposterous', but Harry ignored it. "For wizards, we age a lot slower. I may have been 50, but I was just as spry, able, and handsome as any 25 year old. Just as clever, too.

"A little spellwork here, some runework there, and I have a magical time machine. The only drawback is that I went back in time to just yesterday and, effectively, replaced my younger self's mind… or stuffed him in the back of my mind… or… you know, I'm not entirely sure." He chuckled darkly.

"Anyway, perhaps I should start at the beginning. Or perhaps the end. 39 years ago, from my perspective, I received my Hogwarts acceptance letter. From this standpoint, I will receive it tonight. Over the next seven years I will be tried and tested until I ultimately defeat a lunatic for a cowardly, corrupt society; be lead by a conniving, old fool; make friends who are just as conniving; and ultimately, 'fall in love' with a girl who secretly used several love potions on me.

"Eventually, I gained a resistance to the charms and potions. I realized just how far I had been duped. Just how much of my life was ruined by the manipulations of that bastard, Dumbledore.

"And, so, here I am, 11 years old again and just about to enter that world "for the first time"."

He gave another mirthless chuckle. "However, the plan I implicated needs a few things to make sure it goes smoothly. Hence, the "toys" I brought with me." He reached into the suitcase and pulled out what looked like a mess of wires around a canister. "Aurors are the wizard version of policemen. As such, they are required to take training in various art forms of destruction; muggle or magical. For instance, just a few wires, an old canister, a kitchen timer, and some household chemicals and boom!... hehe. How appropriate."

He stuck the device back in the suitcase. "However, I need a certain level of subtlety at this phase of my plan. Unfortunately, you don't fit in, I'm afraid."

Vernon felt chills go down his spine. "So, I took the easiest route. I opened some of Aunt Petunia's sleeping pills and poured the contents into your afternoon tea. Foolish of you to put so much trust in someone you regularly beat and degrade. At any point, I could have wizened up and poured some rat poison into your dinner stew; it's not like you would have given me any. Anyway, you were out for quite some time, it's almost 6 AM at the moment.

"Then, after adjusting your bodies into position- a great deal more difficult without magic and in a scrawny, underfed 11-year-old's body might I add- I cooked up a certain cement-like chemical mixture that won't be discovered for at least another couple decades. It's completely unbreakable by those encased in it, but it burns readily."

Petunia whimpered. "Oh, don't worry, Auntie. It won't be like that. It's just for evidence."

He continued packing away his meager things, but paused and spoke without turning around.

"You know, it's interesting. You treated me like dirt even though you were on my Social Services payroll. I know about the 1000£ a month check you received for my "care". Especially that it was at the expense of my future inheritance. And what did you spend it on? Toys for Dudley. Appliances for yourselves. Home improvements… hehe."

He smiled. "Though, I am grateful for one." He walked over to a small dial in the wall. "The newest heating system on the market; adjust the temperature and a thermometer with a computer chip reads the ambient temperature of the room. If it doesn't meet the standard qualifications after two minutes, it automatically starts up the furnace to heat the room. Being Summer, you set it to cooling-" He flipped the switch to 'heating' and spun the knob. "There, that should do it."

He zipped up the suitcase and hauled it out the door. He returned a minute later. He pretended to get choked up and wipe away a non-existent tear. "Well… *sniff* I guess this is goodbye. Last time I see you guys. I'm off to the world. Boo hoo. Boo hoo hoo hoohoohoeheehe hehehahaha! Hahahaha!"

The cackling 11-year-old went over to the kitchen and Vernon heard something that sounded like an animal cage latch being opened. A long hiss followed shortly after. '_Oh, God._' He thought. _'The bastard's going to kill us with a snake!_' He'd just seen a television program where the murderer got away with it by using an adder and letting it loose in the house.

His nephew walked by the living room, sparing a condescending glance at them before heading to the foyer and closing the front door.

* * *

A small boy walked out of Number 4 Privet Drive on a cool, Summer Sunday morning. The neighbors were still comfortably in bed or watching news or cartoons, if they had kids.

He stood at the other end of the street, watching Number 4 for a while. This was never a place he remotely considered "home". A cardboard box would have been a more generous "home" and he would have taken it in a heartbeat.

His musings were broken by a small, figure in the sky. Recognizing the shape, he held out his arm and a brown owl with dark eyes landed on it. He gently took a letter in its beak. The emerald letters addressing it to "Harry Potter; Sidewalk in Front of Number 5 Privet Drive". He had to give Hogwarts points for that. Their lettering system was dead-on.

He broke the seal to alert the charms on it that it had been "read", though he stuffed it in his pocket. He didn't need to read it. He knew what was on there. Plus, he couldn't help but keep glaring at the offending house of his youth.

The poor school owl sat confused on his arm. This wasn't protocol. Normally, she'd either stick it in a mail slot with the rest of the morning mail or hand it to the person and ensure they read it. This human did not read it, though he broke the seal. Confused, she sat on his shoulder and looked at the determined face staring at a house on the other end of the street.

* * *

A small microchip received a ping from a thermometer nearby

::_Temperature Below Current Target Range of 90 Degrees Celsius_

_::Time elapsed beyond 2 minutes_

_::Initiate Heating Procedure_

_::Start Program; Activate Sparker_

* * *

The owl hooted in panic as the house exploded in a fireball. The once-pristine lawn was festooned with bits of charred furniture and burnt bricks. Glass shattered and the silence of Sunday was broken by a few barking dogs, some concerned yelling from around the box and, soon, the wail of an approaching fire truck.

Harry Potter smiled. The plan worked. The police would go to the house and _if_ they could recover bodies, they would be in a position that would suggest they'd been watching television; something not off their usual Sunday schedule. The chemicals binding them to the chairs would have burnt away almost instantly by the fiery explosion. The police and fire brigade would pass this off as a tragic gas leak ignited by the sparker of the auto-furnace.

Any wizards who poked around the residence wouldn't find a trace of magic and, being the absolute _dolts_ they are, wouldn't suspect foul play unless anything above a _confundus_ charm was used.

He casually, picked up his small suitcase and walked away from the scene, ignored in the rush of nosy neighbors jumping at the chance for some gossip or news beyond their mundane lives. He couldn't care less.

He started his determined trek to London. He knew he could just apparate when he needed to, but he wanted to be somewhere the Ministry wouldn't register.

The owl flew off his shoulder and into the cloudy, grey sky. Harry continued walking away from them; the nosy muggles, the glorified prison, those _monsters_. He knew what he had to do. And it all started with getting revenge on a certain, manipulative Headmaster.

Whether reflected from the roaring furnace that was once Number 4 or something… else, Harry Potter's eyes flickered from their deep, emerald green to a flash of ominous shade of scarlet.

'_Look out, world. Here I come_."

* * *

I know this doesn't seem terribly like the other catharsis works, but for some reason a gas leak explosion seemed the best way to off the Dursleys. Maybe because of the sheer "mundane" way they went. Irony.

Anyway, I couldn't make a normal Harry kill off the Dursleys and it didn't feel quite right to just have them die with it being a complete accident, though I could have written it that way.

No, this is not going to continue. This is just a one-shot. If anyone wants, they're more than welcome to use this to start off a chapter of their own fanfiction.

*I do like some of those time-reversals. Honestly. But sometimes it just becomes a bit repetitive. For the sake of the evil nature of Harry, I went this route.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I have another idea I'll try finishing up soon.

-Crow


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello everyone.**

**This is another installment. Recently, I discovered the song "I Can't Decide" by the Scissor Sisters! I was feeling particularly angry at Draco for some reason, so I made this up! It's my first songfic and I've been considering two more.  
**

**I was considering using this in _Harry by Proxy_, but I couldn't wait that long and this was too good. I may or may not use it in one way or another, but either way this is Insane!Harry and Guilty-as-f***!Draco, so don't feel too bad.**

**I don't own the song or Harry Potter.**

**Enjoy and I recommend going back through with the actual song. It makes it much more fun!**

**-Crow**

* * *

Draco Malfoy sat in his _muggle_ wheeled chair in the filthy _muggle_ hospital. The room around him was a drab off-white with a painfully sterile smell to it. A bed with some odd controls to alter the height and form of the bed was behind him.

He sat angrily with his hands on the arm rests. Both in casts.

His legs were firmly on the chair's footrests. Both in casts.

And his jaw was painfully wired shut in some Merlin-aweful… _apparatus_ they used.

It was bloody barbaric!

St. Mungo's would have every muggle healer's head for such practices. He sighed bitterly. Not that they wouldn't do the same to him as well.

After Potter announced the Dark Lord and he'd been caught red-handed at a Death Eater scene, the Malfoy name was mud and he'd probably be blasted to bits if he stepped in a magical hospital ever again, let alone the _only_ magical hospital on the entire, bloody island!

And of course, on that raid he'd gotten blasted, battered, beaten, and barely managed to escape to his father's secret rendezvous. From there, they'd managed to get him into a hospital with a few minor _confundus_ charms that he'd been in a muggle "automobile" accident.

And so, now he was here, unpleasantly waiting in a room for someone to check his "vital signs" and change this disgusting tube they called a "catheter".

He instinctively shuddered at the reminder.

The door clicked open and a young man in white scrubs and a facemask walked in with a clipboard. He had some odd, fogged goggles over his eyes and a white hat covering his head. Draco learned it was to keep things "clean", but he still thought it looked bloody ridiculous.

The man nodded to him, acknowledging him before turning to his clipboard. He spoke in a muffled voice from the surgical mask "Let's see here… Name: John Barrows; Age: 17; Parents: Anthony and Meredith Barrows."

Draco nodded at the falsified identity his parents had for him. The man smiled behind his facemask before suddenly dropping the board with a resounding clack.

The infirm patient jumped at the sudden noise and looked between the man and the clipboard in confusion. Finally, the man broke the silence. "… oops. Sorry. Well, it doesn't matter anyway."

He walked closer to him.

"Draco."

The wizards flesh erupted in goosebumps and sweat broke out everywhere. The man merely nodded. "Oh yes, yes. Draco Lucius Malfoy. Age 17. Heir and Scion to the Most Ignoble and Repulsive House of Malfoy. Son of Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy. Now an of-age wizard, wanted for multiple accounts of torture, Unforgivables, murder, and for the crime of being a Death Eater. Honestly, the only thing on that clipboard that's correct was your age."

The man removed his white cap to reveal raven-black hair and his goggles to reveal glinting green eyes.

And a scar!

The facemask came off and Draco was face-to-face with his adversary and the Dark Lord's personal vendetta, Harry Potter.

"Hello Draco? Missed me? I certainly missed you." He smiled cheekily. "Well, cat got your tongue?"

Draco muffled through the wires and fruitlessly, and painfully, wiggled in his chair, hoping for an escape route. It was no use, he couldn't apparate strapped to a chair and his portkey was stripped with his possessions by those idiot muggle healers! It was just a grimy sock!

"You know, Draco," Harry began. "I've been having problems these days. Knowing you're still around. You were always the worst of the worst in Slytherin and, by Merlin, you did all you could to become a fervent servant to the Dork Lord." He chuckled at his mocking use of the name.

"And now, you've got nowhere to slither off to and your venom has been effectively removed. I think this calls for celebration! Don't you?"

He maneuvered himself behind the wheelchair. "I picked this one out especially for you."

The speaker system in the hospital beeped to announce an incoming message, but instead of a message, a slow voice started up. Looking at Harry, he sang in time with the voice.

"It's... not…."

Before exploding in a jovial tune.

"_Easy having yourself a good time!_

_Greasing up those bets and betters._

_Watching out they don't four-letter._

_F*ck and kiss you both at the same time!_

Harry's white grin flashed maliciously in the florescents and Draco felt the wheelchair gaining speed towards the door.

_Smells like something I'd forgotten,_

_Curled up, died, and now it's rotten._" Harry sneered at Draco as he said it, wheeling him down the sterile hospital hallway, steadily picking up speed.

"_I'm not a gangster tonight. Don't wanna be a bad guy._

_I'm just a loner, baby, and now you've gotten in my way_."

Draco paled as they rapidly approached a set of double doors. They were getting closer… closer! Harry made no attempt to slow down.

He braced himself for impact-

BAM!

*whimper*

"_I can't decide whether you should live or die!_

_Oh, you'll probably go to Heaven, please don't you hang your head and cry._

_No wonder why, my heart feels dead inside,_

_It's cold and hard and Petrified._

_Lock the doors and close the blinds, we're going for a ride!_"

Draco felt his chair shift slightly indicating Harry had taken up a spot on the back of the chair and was riding on the edge as it careened down the hallway. They momentarily did a "wheelie" before he felt himself be righted.

They rapidly approached a solid 90 degree turn in the hallway and Harry used his Seeker skills to adeptly twist them and push off the wall without touching the ground. They continued at break-neck speeds down the hall as the jovial instrumental continued.

Harry cackled the entire way and people in the hallway jumped out of the way in a rush of panic.

"_It's a bitch convincing people to like you._

_If I stop now, call me a quitter._

_If lies were cats, you'd be a litter._

_Pleasing everyone isn't like you."_

Draco screamed inside his head as they careened down a full flight of stairs, somehow maintaining balance and just having a jarring ride down, straining his broken bones.

"_Dancing Jigs until I'm crippled._

_Slug ten drinks, I won't get pickled._

_I've got to hand it to you, you've played by all the same rules._

_It takes the truth to fool me._"

The ride suddenly stopped and Draco found himself staring in Harry's raging, green eyes.

"_And now you've made me angry_."

The wheelchair continued forward, but Harry pushed it with his feet, bouncing his upper body back and forth to the beat.

"_I can't decide, whether you should live or die!_

_Oh, you'll probably go to Heaven, please don't hang your head and cry._

_No wonder why, my heart feels dead inside,_

_It's cold and hard and petrified._

_So lock the doors, and close the blinds, we're going for a ride."_

By now, they were in the large waiting area, grabbing the attention of stunned nurses and doctors as well as confused patients wondering what the music was for and watching the unusual duo make their way through the room.

"_Oh, I could throw you in the lake or feed you poisoned birthday cake._

_I won't deny I'm gonna miss you when you're gone._

_Oh I could bury you alive, but you might crawl out with a knife and kill me_

_When I'm sleeping that's why_-"

Draco suddenly realized they were outside the hospital, but a boombox on his wheelchair continued to play the song loudly anyways.

"_I can't decide whether you should live or die!_

_Oh, you won't go on to Heaven, so just hang your head and cry."_

Draco paled at the lyric changes.

"_No wonder why, my heart feels dead inside,_

_It's cold and hard and petrified._"

His wheelchair jolted as they walked off the curb into an empty muggle street. The hospital was on a hill and the street curved downwards.

"_So lock the doors and close the blinds_."

Harry smiled maliciously.

Draco quivered pathetically.

"_You're going for a ride!_"

The wheelchair propelled itself forward, down the hill, as the song continued to a bouncy concluding peace.

Draco felt himself steadily increase in velocity down the hill.

He was rapidly approaching an odd contraption in the middle of the road with two dark circles and a bright red light on top. Large metal contraptions moved quickly underneath it. He hadn't paid attention in muggle studies much. Inferior beings!

The wheelchair continued its decent and the song wound to a close with the notes to the final words.

"_So lock the doors and close the blinds,_

_We're going for a ride!_"

*SCREEEECH!*

*CRASH!*


End file.
